


please don't leave the msby black jackals in ikea without supervision

by honeyserpents



Series: MSBY antics [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, IKEA, M/M, Poor meian, This Is STUPID, cue mass destruction, meian leaves for date night, save meian please, so the jackals go to ikea, there's one implied spicy scene that y'all can skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:47:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27279736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyserpents/pseuds/honeyserpents
Summary: Meian froze, “Wait, did you say six adult men? Are they all wearing matching yellow jackets?” He could feel a headache building, and he pled to whatever relevant deity there was that he was mistaken.“Yes! Yes, that fits the description!”, the employee exclaimed; their relief palpable even through the phone. Meian wanted to cry. Did his team really have to terrorise Ikea on his date night?
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: MSBY antics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2102886
Comments: 19
Kudos: 273





	please don't leave the msby black jackals in ikea without supervision

“Alright guys, I’m leaving for date night with my wife now. Please be good and don’t destroy anything,” Meian told the MSBY Black Jackals only half-jokingly, gym bag slung over his shoulder.

“Ya can count on us, cap’!”, Atsumu shouted back, hair still damp from the shower. The moment Meian left the locker room, Atsumu turned to the rest of the team with a devious grin.

“Say, it’s a Friday night. Do y’all wanna have some fun?” he said, surveying the room with a rather evil-looking glint in his amber eyes. Bokuto and Hinata jumped up in excitement, twin expressions of glee on their faces.

“What’s the plan, Atsumu-san?”, Hinata asked, one could practically see the anime sparkles erupting around his head.

Atsumu puffed up, and declared, “We’re going to raid Ikea!”, punctuating his words with a dramatic point of his finger.

“Ugh,” Sakusa scoffed, carefully snapping his mask back into place.

“Count me out,” he said, making for the exit.

“No!”, in an impressive display of speed, Atsumu flings himself at Sakusa, clinging onto his arm like a koala in a way Sakusa would only tolerate his boyfriend doing.

“Omi-omi, please don’t go! I want you to come along with us!”, Atsumu put on his best puppy eyes, the ones he knew Sakusa was particularly weak against. He hesitated slightly before groaning in defeat and nodding resignedly. “Who’s driving?”

::::

The Jackals piled into Oliver’s handy minivan customised to fit his height, so everyone had their first experience riding comfortably in a minivan.

The 20-minute car ride to Ikea was filled with bad singing on the part of Hinata and Bokuto, pointed sighs from Sakusa that everyone ignored, and multiple Snapchat and Instagram updates on the part of Atsumu. The fans were already going crazy trying to find out where the team, sans Meian, was going on a Friday night, and were begging Atsumu to start an Instagram live video. Oliver had to physically restrain him from doing so, giving Inunaki time to steal his phone and sit on it, knowing that Meian would only get angrier if Atsumu gave the fans a location to flock to.

Atsumu pouted and complained loudly to Sakusa about how his phone was going to have Inunaki’s germs on it. Sakusa cringed, but slowly relaxed when Atsumu lowered his head onto his shoulder, occasionally humming along to Atsumu’s constant yammering.

_Ah,_ Oliver thought, _true love. Maybe he should take Inunaki up on that offer at a blind date, after all._

::::

They pulled up at the large, blue and yellow building, and Kiyoomi could already feel a headache brewing. He knew he shouldn’t have agreed to come. Hinata squawked in excitement and Bokuto hooted back, the two of them quickly starting a competition on who could do a better bird impression. Kiyoomi sighed and pinched his brow. Definitely a bad idea.

The two of them rushed inside to one of the showrooms, oohing and aahing at the tasteful decorations. The other Black Jackals streamed in, occasionally plonking themselves down on various furniture, never pausing their conversation in the meantime. Oliver squeezed himself into a CIRKUSTÄLT, making himself comfortable in the tent obviously made for children, while Inunaki and Adriah snapped pictures for posterity (and their Instagram stories). Atsumu grumbled at the unfairness of Inunaki and Adriah being allowed to use their Instagram while he wasn’t, pouting like the little children staring up at him in awe. Staring up at all of them in fact. Kiyoomi supposed it wasn’t every day one would see 6 fully grown men traipsing around in Ikea on a Friday night, wearing matching yellow jackets.

::::

“My disciple!”, Bokuto shouted, much too loudly than appropriate in an enclosed space. Oh, how Atsumu wished Akaashi was present to tell his boyfriend off. “Let’s have a competition,” he continued, unknowing of Atsumu’s internal screaming. “Whoever manages to jump the highest on these beds will be treated to a soft serve by the other!”

“You’re on, Bokuto-san!”, Hinata crowed, bounding his way over to the bed section. Now, Atsumu supposed that the beds would be able to hold Hinata’s weight, with it being rather similar to a child’s, but what he was afraid of was Bokuto. He looked at Bokuto’s broad-shouldered, 190cm form, and back at the bed frames that were suddenly looking much less sturdy. This could not end well.

It did not end well.

Oliver and Adriah bowed furiously to the Ikea staff, apologising profusely on behalf of Bokuto and Hinata, who were kneeling down on the floor, heads bowed towards the ground as Sakusa berated them. They flinched as the normally-stoic Sakusa lashed his tongue and Atsumu snickered away in the corner. The two children’s beds were lying miserably in a pile of pale wood planks, the cheery faces on the bedspread lay crumpled on the floor, their smiles extremely ironic to Atsumu.

He chuckled to himself and tugged Sakusa away from the cowering forms of Bokuto and Hinata, much to their relief. Entwining his fingers with Sakusa, who was still grumbling in displeasure, he dragged the man to the rug section.

::::

“But, Omi-kun! That rug’s so hideous, it looks just like yer highlighter jacket!”, Atsumu whined.

Kiyoomi scowled. He was still unable to understand why Atsumu found his Itachiyama jacket so ugly after all these years, he still loved his ‘highlighter’ jacket dearly. He hung it up on their living room wall, right above their couch, deliberately to spite Atsumu, who called it an eyesore. Atsumu’s jacket was right next to it, mainly due to nostalgia, but also partly because he found the irony of the school motto amusing.

He looked back down at the brightly-coloured rug, green and yellow trapeziums interlocking to form a geometric pattern that he found quite eye-catching. Perhaps he had unconsciously chosen it due to the affiliation to his former high school. Atsumu himself had chosen an admittedly tasteful slate-coloured rug with gold speckles that would look nice with the light blue walls in their living room.

But still. He wasn’t going to let Atsumu win. Kiyoomi tugged the rug he chose a little bit closer to himself, adamant on buying it.

Internally, Atsumu melted when he saw Sakusa’s annoyed pout. He glanced at the garish rug, at Sakusa, then back at the rug, feeling his resolve weaken.

While Sakusa and Atsumu were living out their domestic fantasies and choosing a rug for their shared apartment, Bokuto and Hinata decided to have more fun (even after getting scolded for breaking beds).

Koutarou scuffed his toe of his sneakers against the ground. _The rug section was so_ boring _, he missed Keiji, he was still feeling upset after getting scolded by Sakusa, and he was_ hungry _, why couldn’t they go for dinner already?_ His thoughts continued on in a similar fashion, and he could feel his mood dropping drastically.

“Bokuto-san!”, Hinata exclaims, his peppy voice quickly bringing Koutarou out of his descent into emo-mode. He pointed at Oliver’s 207 centimetre form milling around the rug section, looking nearly as bored as Bokuto was.

“Why don’t we have some fun with Oliver-san,” he said, cheekily winking at Koutarou. Koutarou instantly understood what Hinata was referring to and brightened immediately. Maybe the rug section wasn’t so bad after all…

Koutarou and Hinata crept up behind Oliver sneakily, imitating those burglars in kids’ cartoons before quietly snickering to themselves. Right when Oliver turned around, still oblivious to their plans, wondering why Hinata and Bokuto were thundering around behind him, Koutarou tackled him to the ground and Hinata threw a gigantic rug over him, swiftly swaddling him up tight. Oliver thrashed and wriggled as hard as he could in the tight, mothball-scented cocoon, desperately trying to free himself from his prison, as Bokuto and Hinata cackled and high-fived each other.

Oliver yelled out, his booming voice muffled by the thick layers of rug hugging him, trying to draw the attention of Sakusa and Atsumu, who were both still looking at rugs. Hinata and Bokuto took one end of the rug, Hinata at his head and Bokuto at his feet, rolling him around the rug section as fast as they could. Parents stumbled as the hefty rug knocked against their shins and children tumbled over as the rug plowed into their tiny forms, destruction quickly following the fiery path of chaos Hinata and Bokuto left in their wake.

::::

“Do you hear anything?”, Atsumu casually asked Sakusa, who was still scrutinising the rugs.

“No, not a thing,” Sakusa replied, not bothering to glance behind them.

Atsumu nodded at his response, going back to the rugs.

::::

Shion wiped away his tears of joy, his chest still slightly sore from laughing so hard. A video of Oliver’s screaming disembodied head being rolled around and knocking into toddlers would be something he would treasure for many years to come. Spotting a large metal cage filled with DJUNGELSKOG, the wisps of an idea formed in his head.

Grabbing Hinata, he whispered his plan to him, punctuating his words with sharp jabs at Tomas, who was chatting with Oliver, who was evidently still recovering from the traumatic experience that was being rolled around like an oversized spring roll. Tomas had taken on the role as the de facto leader, the one with the most amount of common sense in the Black Jackals sans Meian (which was still, unfortunately, not that much). _Yes_ , Shion thought. _Pranking Tomas would be good fun_.

With that thought in mind, Shion nabbed some DJUNGELSKOG and tossed them out of their cage, some landing on a sad heap on the floor, and some flying into innocent children and making them crumple onto the ground with resounding wails.

Hinata dove into the freed-up space, burrowing himself deeper into a growing hole in the ocean of soft toys. Shion then lobbed the DJUNGELSKOG back into the cage, covering Hinata completely and making his orange hair disappear in the brown ocean.

Starting a video, Shion yelled out for Tomas, saying that he had lost Hinata, trying desperately to keep the corners of his mouth from upturning. He giggled subtly as panic slowly descended on Tomas’ features when he realised that Hinata had gone missing. After the bed incident and the rug incident, Tomas knew that Hinata’s disappearance definitely did not bode well for the team’s public image. _Oh god, Meian was going to kill them._

Shion silently led him to the metal cage, not moving fast enough for Tomas to realise that he was baiting him. Tomas neared where Hinata was lying in wait, completely oblivious to the fact that the entire team was watching his movements with poorly-disguised expectance.

Hinata jumped up, yelling at the top of his lungs. The DJUNGELSKOG were ejected violently from their resting position, their cute dopey expressions looking more miserable by the second as the spilled out of the cage, similar to lava exploding out of a volcano. Tomas jumped nearly two metres in the air, rivalling that of when he blocked during matches. He thumped down heavily on the ground, and continued to stare at Hinata as if he was unable to believe that Hinata was not just a projection set up to mess with him. Children around them immediately started shrieking in fear, running off and wailing to their parents. The parents hugged their children tightly and walked away from Tomas, shooting him disapproving looks while he sat on the floor contemplating his existence.

Shion cackled off at the side, quietly saving the video and sending it to the Black Jackal’s group chat.

::::

“Well! I don’t know about ya, but I’m really hungry righ’ now,” Atsumu said, frowning while rubbing his belly. Vague murmurs of assent spread through the group, Bokuto’s enthusiastic agreement making them all chuckle. They headed towards the concession stand near the exit, planning to buy some snacks. Primarily to shut Bokuto up, but also because they were hungry.

Atsumu nodded his thanks to the cashier, grabbing his ice cream cone before moving off to the side to wait for Sakusa. Sakusa awkwardly thanked the cashier and took his hotdog, striding over to join Atsumu. They walked over to the ice cream dispenser where the majority of the team was crowded around, taking turns to get their ice cream.

Dragging his tongue over the ice cream slowly, Atsumu relished in the sweetness, closing his eyes and smiling softly. He opened his eyes and delighted in the fact that Sakusa was directing his dark gaze at him, having not even planned on riling him up. Atsumu decided to take advantage of the opportunity fate had graciously granted him, and made direct eye contact with Sakusa while licking the ice cream, not bothering to lick up the excess pooling around his mouth.

Sakusa scowled. Not one to back down from a challenge, he raised his hotdog to his lips and swallowed a small bit of it. Hollowing his cheeks, he sucked more of the hotdog into his mouth, internally cackling when he saw Atsumu flush. The pink blush spread down his cheeks and bled into his neck, thankfully not attracting the attention of their teammates. Sakusa bit down viciously, chomping a large portion of the hotdog off. Atsumu’s eyes widened comically and he shrieked in horror. That certainly got the attention of their teammates, not to mention some strangers. Atsumu blushed even harder under their gazes, this time out of embarrassment.

Sakusa smirked. Mission accomplished.

::::

“Honey, your phone is ringing,” Meian frowned and picked up his phone. He specifically told the team not to call him, so this had to be urgent. Meian Yuna smiled at him understandingly, waving at him to go pick it up.

“Sir, can you please come to Ikea Tsuruhama to pick up your unruly children? They’ve caused a ruckus and the customers are extremely unhappy. From what I’ve heard, they’ve managed to frighten a few children.”

“Excuse me? I don’t have any children?”

“Well, they told me to call you their father… they said that you’d understand?” Meian could hear the poor employee’s confusion, and sighed. “Please don’t tell me it is who I think it is.”

“Um, well, they’re all grown men, 6 of them in total. Could you please come to pick them up?”, they pled, obviously getting desperate.

Meian froze, “Wait, did you say 6 adult men? Are they all wearing matching yellow jackets?” He could feel a headache building, and he pled to whatever relevant deity there was that he was mistaken.

“Yes! Yes, that fits the description!”, the employee exclaimed; their relief palpable even through the phone. Meian wanted to cry. Did his team really have to terrorise Ikea on his date night?

He explained the situation to Yuna, who laughed at the situation, much too familiar with the team’s antics by now, and eagerly got into the car, wanting to see the havoc they wrecked on Ikea for herself. Meian followed much more apprehensively, mentally preparing himself for the worst.

The car pulled up at the Ikea, which thankfully wasn’t burned down. Meian still hasn’t forgotten the cockroach incident, and doesn’t think any amount of alcohol can wipe it from his memory. With leaden footsteps, he followed Yuna into the building.

The Black Jackals stood sheepishly to one side, employees standing very far off to the other, flinching whenever one of the Jackals made a sudden movement. The scene would look comical, with 6 freakishly tall men (with the exception of Hinata and Inunaki) looking like scolded children, if Meian wasn’t quite so angry about his date night being disrupted.

“What did I specifically tell you guys _not_ to do before I left?”, he asked, arms akimbo. They scuffed their shoes on the ground, and avoid his eyes pointedly. “Not to destroy anything…” “And _what_ did you do?”, he sighed. “Destroy Ikea…”, they responded, all looking properly abashed with the exception of Sakusa, who looks perpetually unbothered, and Atsumu, who was surely the perpetrator of all this.

Meian pinched his glabella and bowed to the employees in apology, who nervously bowed back in thanks. He turned around and motioned for the Jackals to follow him into his truck, Yuna already conversing excitedly with Atsumu and Hinata, who were recounting their adventures to her. He was really getting too old for this.

**Author's Note:**

> twit: https://twitter.com/honey_serpents  
> tumb: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hoeley-shit


End file.
